It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.

I hate living everyday remembering. Remembering what happened. Remembering the pain. Remembering all the hurt. I just want it to go away. I want to end these feelings. I wanna be happy again, and not care. To go back to when I didn’t remember. To when things were so easy. I’m tired of crying for no reason, for someone saying one little thing and a flood of things coming back. I wanna take the first step but I’m scared. I’m scared of change, of how people will view me after hearing the truth of what happened. I’m scared of loosing control again. I control me. I control what I do, what I eat, when I do things.

Everyday is a struggle…and I’m just trying to survive.

Wonderful

All fricken day long its gone from rain to snow to rain to snow. Its been so miserable I wish mother nature would make her damn mind up already!!! I really wish summer was her…but I guess then I would complain about the heat….hahah lies. I would give anything for a hot summer day…even if it was raining!

“There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you.”

There is something I wanna share. I’ve shared it drunkenly a few times to a few friends and until my one true friend stood up and made me stop talking. She wanted to talk to me soberly the next day face-to-face. In which the next day she did. She made me realize that I have basically been killing myself while trying to get help yet no one heard my call. I’ve decided to write this so I can talk. So I know it’s not just me. So I can get it out and maybe someday get the courage to talk to a therapist. It will take time, but I know this is a step no matter how small.

 

Hello world!

Hi, I know lots of people probably don’t read this stuff or follow people but I slightly need it to self-heal. So I guess here I go!